I don’t know when I ever started believing that I was not enough. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember ever NOT feeling that way.
Ever since I was a child I can remember the inner dialogue of:
What will they say?
What will they think?
What if they don’t like me?
I’m not sure why...there is no one event in memory that stands out that would have caused it. I always just remember feeling so different than everyone else. Everyone else always seemed so much smarter, prettier, happier that I just always felt like I didn’t fit in. But I can’t remember why I felt this degree of separation and isolation. What I can remember was that it wasn’t long before my outer world started to reflect the beliefs of my inner world. And the more it did, the more I believed it. In my mind after all, it was just more proof that I was not enough.
When I look back now, I can clearly see how these self limiting beliefs were sabotaging me at every stage of my life.
Like everyone, I had dreams and I had ambitions. But every time I got close to achieving one of them, something would happen that would put an end to it before it even got off the ground. So I tried harder and I pushed harder, and yet still got the same results. I didn’t realize that it was me. I was the one who was keeping me in this endless vicious cycle of chasing as opposed to receiving.
This lead to the birth of another self defeating belief. The belief that nothing in life comes easy, and that I had to work that much harder for the things that I wanted. And that inevitably, I would have to settle for much less than I really deserved.
If only I knew then what I know now.
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